If you ask me to recommend any books to read, I’d ask you what books you’ve liked. There are, however, major gaps on my bookshelf. I sometimes wish I could click a button and poof, they’d all appear and have been read at least twice over. This, I’m afraid, is not the case. The Stranger is so short but I just haven’t had the chance to sit down and dive into it. After the Stranger… what next? There’s too much and too little to choose from.

I finished reading the Time Traveler’s wife (finished, since I read quite a bit of it when it first came out but never could find the time to read it through. Must have been something going on like SATs or finals) on our family vacation in Canada. I think back on the place we picked out and on how restfully the vacation was spent - Lovely. It was a small little house with lots of grass around and a small rocky beach just in front of the house. Kelp beaches and little coves scattered about a short drive away and amazing seafood in the city (which sometimes feels too far away but always worth the trip). And the maple glazes and marinades I experimented with all throughout the trip. Maple syrup is a very nice compliment to any meat I can eat (I’m fairly certain maple beef would be a little weird). It was a good choice to rent a house for a week instead of hotel hop… it’s restful, it’s fun, it’s exciting, and it feels like I’ve been transported somewhere new and I’m not just visiting.

now to pack, or maybe just to think about it some more.

I can imagine next week already. I’ll be staring blankly at the loads of laundry I need to do and pondering whether or not they can wait another day. I’ll check my socks and underwear and see I have enough and put off doing laundry another day. Next I’ll spin and begin pottering around the room thinking whether or not I’ve washed the dishes yet, and see that I already have. And then I’ll sit down, stare at the desk and think that the book is in the way. Let’s play scrabble! And the book will stay open on my desk for another hour more.

I don’t like it.

Toni will be there, so it’ll be better.

It is almost time to say goodbye to my dog. He had an appointment yesterday to be put down. Seeing as he’s about 14 years old, it’s no surprise that his body is weak, and he’s plagued by an assortment of ailments that come with old age - but it was all so sudden. Around lunch time I received a call telling me that the dog was to be put down at 3. I floated through the rest of the day until 3 and when the time came to go to the veterinarian, I froze up feeling completely devastated - not ready to say goodbye. I cannot say I remember when we put our first dog to sleep but it feels so wrong. I understand the quality of life drops dramatically and the suffering that follows is no small matter, but I hate it all. The dog I grew up with suffered from kidney failure preluding massive organ failure, and we understood it was time to let her go. But what of our current dog. Yes, he’s old, but there’s no diagnosis for any of the symptoms. My family, and I are not ready to let him go on such shaky grounds.

Early this morning my entire family went to the veterinarian to talk over the situation. The dog’s now outside on the grass with a fever that will hopefully go down and still refuses to eat. At least he’s starting to drink water again. When medicine no longer has any effect, all we can do is pray we don’t have to say goodbye yet.

And on a different note…

It’s like taking a bite of cake - listening to a good song. You take one bite and you can’t help but take another. Now consider the craving for strawberry shortcake and finding out you only have strawberry boston creme pie. That’s what listening to this song is like to me. A surprise, unexpected but delightful.

Well I’ve been running from something
Twenty years in my car
Down a road that’s leading me nowhere
Yeah we drive through the farmland
No one knows where we’re from
Could I kiss you and make you a queen?
Or something in between

Do you want to see it?
The place where I am free?
Cos in my mind I need it
But you’re nowhere near to me

Move to New York City
Take your woman by the hand
Leave her there with your things on the doorstep
And there’s no way around it
Could this be our last dance?
Just fall asleep with the TV darling
I’ll be back again

Do you want to see it?
The place where I was free?
Cos in my mind I’ve been there
And there’s no one here but me

In the morning it’ll find you
Let the light shine away
Down a road that’s leading me nowhere
And there’s no way around it
Could this be our last dance?
Just fall asleep with the TV darling
I’ll be back again

-Augustana

Twenty Years - Augustana

Have you ever held an emotion so guarded and close to you as if holding a new born child? Desiring at once to let the whole world know as well as to protect it from the terrors that will surely follow? If you have, then you are one step closer to understanding me. Today, this emotion, I will share and let what follows, follow. I love you, Toni.

Love is a dangerous emotion, and “I love you” is a dangerous phrase. You take a risk when you say it. Imagine a conversation that follows after a response like “thank you” or “that’s nice” or even “that’s very sweet of you.” It just ends, everything just stops. “I love you” is a step away from friendship. Just hanging out without ever responding with “I love you too” is impossible. I am very happy we can start a new journey together after “I love you” was said.

I have never been a very open person, it’s my nature. I am most comfortable curled up into a monotonous routine like watching a movie, reading a book or simply meditating. Falling in love is both agony and ecstasy. Everyday, every month and every year I push myself further. I live on my own, take care of myself, and shoulder the responsibilities of all my actions but none of this prepares you for falling in love, even if it is not for the first time.

Who is Toni to me?

I used to believe the perfect relationship is to be in love with my best friend. This might seem odd, but Toni sometimes makes me feel as though I’m about to blow a gasket, sometimes as though I’ve been dropped into ice cold waters, sometimes as though the world takes on a new vibrancy, but most times Toni makes me feel like I’ve finally made it home. Toni is important to me, more important than I thought was possible when we first met. We’ve gone from good friends, worst enemies, and now? Something more.

I’m no virgin when it comes to dating. Mistakes were not made and chance is not the reason I’m where I am now. Sometimes it’s easier to say that all the girls up to now have been mistakes, that I never loved any of them but that would be deceitful. Each love is different from the next, just as to me, loving Toni means something different and I think our love means something more - a beginning.

So why now? How the hell should I know? Why should I care it took so long?

All I know is that I’m with Toni now, I love her and I want this to last.

Yours truly,
Andrew

I’ve been in Beijing almost a year and loads to show for it, and not all of it good. First, a firmer grasp on a language I barely understood. Second, a lot of friends that I know I will find awfully difficult to stay in contact with. Third, an absurdly different view on the world from when I first set foot on the hazy Beijing streets.

College is coming up, and I am a bundle of emotions: I’m excited, nervous, hesitant, and full of unconcious expectations. My sheets have been ordered, my room assigned, my dining card paid for, but still clueless as to what life in Pittsburgh will be like. I even know my roommate’s name, where he’s from, and what his voice sounds like, but no clue how i’ll cope with a junior sharing the same living space as me. It shouldn’t be a problem, right?

As for now? I’m excited with the Olympic games just around the corner. The people in Beijing have never been commended for their manners, but the improvements from when I first arrived, are not small. There are still the occassional taxi drivers that no matter how patient I am, still manage to get on my nerves. Or the grocer, who will not care whether a born and raised in beijing or clearly a ‘laowai’ is standing accross the counter, and will insist that she can speak understandable english. The Olympics are coming up, and the locals are trying their best to welcome what is now a steady stream of incomming foreigners.

I heard somewhere President Bush has taken up residence at the westin hotel (all to himself) along with a enterouge of 600+ FBI security agents. Our president can never be too careful.

And for anyone that can read:

??????

Brief update from an airline lounge at SF airport. In a short span of time I will be embarking upon a journey that will land me squarely in a dorm at a college in the capital of Beijing. Feelings? Who needs them. But if I were to put them into words, I would describe my feelings as excitement and a bit of anxiousness. When I enter CMU next year, I bet it might feel like a breeze after having experienced a maelstrom of unknowns upon entering a college in Beijing.

I have finally gotten around to getting a pair of sunglasses (all my other pairs are either broken, broken, broken, too small or broken).

I feel a little silly. I went to an apple store a couple days ago (the day the new ipod nanos, ipod classics, ipod touch as well as the new ipod shuffle colors were thrown up onto the apple website. I have yet to see them in person so I cannot yet pass judgment on the new colors (i like the pictures…) or to the fact that the new ipod nanos look like crackers. Maybe their skinniness (is that even a word) and form factor will somehow make up for the immediately awkward looking shape. Just maybe the diet the nanos have been put on may make up for the stubbiness this new generation seems to have.

(note: now that I’m in Beijing, it’s going to take even longer for me to find out what the new ipods are like)

I found an amazing comedy Friday night. Browsing through the movies at Blockbuster, we picked up Keeping Mum with Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson), Professor McGonagall (Maggie Smith), and Patrick Swayze. An absurdly hilarious comedy that plays on the horrors of thrillers. Such movies as those from the Scary Movie serial series or spoofs like Shaun of the Dead cannot be compared to this european comedy about killing and grace. When I saw a poster of (something or other) Grace I could no longer focus on the movie itself but the character Grace from Keeping Mum. Oh, which, by the way, if you had not realized by now, I FULLY recommend that you watch.

P.S: Sorry about the down time. That will will not happen again once I get some passwords from a guy who has been trying his best to find excuses and to delay.

I want my harry potter books…

(What a totally random entry. This whole writing regularly is… hard. It’s easy to ramble about the most random things but even I’d have a hard time reading them.)

expectations were high and movie satisfaction is low. But it makes a good motivation to re-read the 5th book. I was planning on watching the 5th movie, re-reading the 6th book and then devour the 7th when it came out. However, after the movie, I have the unquencable desire to read the 5th book again and re-read all the movie left out, which is a lot. So I have to rethink my plan and read the 5th book again.

Short entry (rant). It could be longer…