(in response to Toni)
Dear Friend,

Have you ever held an emotion so guarded and close to you as if holding a new born child? Desiring at once to let the whole world know as well as to protect it from the terrors that will surely follow? If you have, then you are one step closer to understanding me. Today, this emotion, I will share and let what follows, follow. I love you, Toni.

Love is a dangerous emotion, and “I love you” is a dangerous phrase. You take a risk when you say it. Imagine a conversation that follows after a response like “thank you” or “that’s nice” or even “that’s very sweet of you.” It just ends, everything just stops. “I love you” is a step away from friendship. Just hanging out without ever responding with “I love you too” is impossible. I am very happy we can start a new journey together after “I love you” was said.

I have never been a very open person, it’s my nature. I am most comfortable curled up into a monotonous routine like watching a movie, reading a book or simply meditating. Falling in love is both agony and ecstasy. Everyday, every month and every year I push myself further. I live on my own, take care of myself, and shoulder the responsibilities of all my actions but none of this prepares you for falling in love, even if it is not for the first time.

Who is Toni to me?

I used to believe the perfect relationship is to be in love with my best friend. This might seem odd, but Toni sometimes makes me feel as though I’m about to blow a gasket, sometimes as though I’ve been dropped into ice cold waters, sometimes as though the world takes on a new vibrancy, but most times Toni makes me feel like I’ve finally made it home. Toni is important to me, more important than I thought was possible when we first met. We’ve gone from good friends, worst enemies, and now? Something more.

I’m no virgin when it comes to dating. Mistakes were not made and chance is not the reason I’m where I am now. Sometimes it’s easier to say that all the girls up to now have been mistakes, that I never loved any of them but that would be deceitful. Each love is different from the next, just as to me, loving Toni means something different and I think our love means something more - a beginning.

So why now? How the hell should I know? Why should I care it took so long?

All I know is that I’m with Toni now, I love her and I want this to last.

Yours truly,
Andrew